(Remember this is MY blog, and if you dont like what I say, how I say or WHY I say it, stop reading now, or get over it! Its MY blog and I'm allowed to write whatever I want! So there!)
Alex is a pretty big kid. He is tall, and pretty solidly built. And is a VERY nice boy. He shares, he plays nicely for the most part. Which makes him an easy target with other kids being mean to him. People take toys away, don't share, yell at him, hit, bite, lock him in rooms, throw things at him and are in general not nice! We've always told Alex that he should share toys with EVERYONE. Especially when people come to our house because they don't have their toys there. And that when we go to THEIR house they will share their toys with him.
Alex spends most of the day at my Mom's house where there are a million toys and some are HIS (like from our house, or his Auntie buys them for him) and others are "daycare" toys which mean they are no ones just whoever wants to play with them. At my Mom's house she doesn't care if the toys belong to a particular kid. If they are there and not being played with its free reign. So all the kids know and accept that. So whatever kids are NOT willing to share at her house she tells parents not to bring the toy back. Or she puts away (in the kids bags) to be out of sight out of mind type thing. So Alex knows he HAS to share. And if he's not willing to share he cant play with other kids toys either. Lets face it, he's 3 so some days that works better than others. But for the most part he DOES share. When kids come to our house it gets kinda tricky because everything there IS HIS. But he stills knows that he HAS to share! There are things, like his lappy (kid lap top), Neow (favorite stuffed animal) or WowWow that ARE 100% off limits. So when kids come over those are things that get taken to his room while kids are here so no one is tempted. Other than those few things everyone gets to play with everything. If he doesnt share he too gets the toys taken away. No negotiations about it. He knows he HAS to share and there are no ands ifs or buts about it!
He has a hard time trying to understand WHY people wont share everything with him. And he's used to being able to play with whatever someone else isn't playing with so he doesnt get why if someone isnt playing with something then why cant he? Everyone has different house rules about sharing but those are hard to explain to a 3 year old. So when we go to Grammas house he ends up being sad a lot of the time because at Grammas house all toys used to be everyones, but now his cousins live there and they have their toys and arent very good at sharing a lot of the time. So they dont let him play with certain toys or give him the crappy messed up toys to play with. Which sucks but what can you do? Its NOT our house, and they arent our kids to MAKE share. So we try to distract him with books, or other toys or when it gets bad we leave and go to the park or to a friends house.
This past weekend we were there and they shared toys better this time and he was less sad about the sharing of toys thing. But then his older cousin (6) closed the door to the grandkid room. They have those child door knob locks on the inside of the door so kids stay in their room for naps and bedtime or whatever. But Alex CANT open those. To be honest he has a hard time opening doors period. We never have doors closed at our house so he's not used to that. Anyway I heard him crying and ran upstairs and he was laying down in front of the door hysterical because he couldn't get out. The sight of his scared little face instantly made my blood boil!! I picked him up and he kept telling me his cousin locked him in the room. So I asked her if she did, and she said yes. Then asked her why? and she said "So he wouldnt follow us anymore." She then tells her Mom she didnt know he was in there! That made me mad. I was the maddest I've ever been in a LONG time! I seriously wanted to pack up my kids and drive to AZ that night.
Anyways that started a conversation between David and myself on the ride home. We decided we are no longer going to MAKE Alex share, or be nice to kids that arent nice or sharing with him. If someone hits him, he is ALLOWED to hit back, if someone bites him, he is ALLOWED to bite back , if kids take toys away from him, he is ALLOWED to take it back, and so on and so forth. Its so NOT fair that he always HAS to be nice to everyone when they arent being nice to him. That's going to let him allow himself to be walked all over at school. And I so dont want that to happen. So watch out this is everyones warning, if you are mean to Alex he is not going to roll over and cry about it anymore! Nope, no more Mr. Nice Guy!! Like Mario my brother told him "Nice guys finish last! Pay back is a B****C!" (Oh yeah, Mario didn't actually use the "B" word with him lol Just explained it and it's too long and thats pretty much what he meant LOL)
Now dont get me wrong, he knows that if kids are YOUNGER than him they dont understand they shouldnt hit or take away toys. So he still needs to be nice to them. AND that no matter WHAT he ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS has to SHARE EVERYTHING with his brother! New or old! So we'll see how this goes... he probably wont do anything back. But at least he knows he's allowed to defent himself. Now he also knows that he isnt allowed to be the one to hit or take things away UNLESS the kid is being mean to him first. So we'll see!
P.S Its not just his cousins that are mean to Alex, he has some friends that do stuff to him too. His friend threw a huge rock at the back of his head once, he gets bit regularly at my Moms house from a kid there. The same kid that threw the rock slammed his hand in the garage door. Ect so don't think this is only because of his cousins. The same thing happens with most kids! Alex just doesn't stand up for himself, and thats what we're trying to teach him. We dont want him to be a bully! LOL
6 comments:
I love that Alex is a "nice guy." I know he gets kinda run over when it comes to the other grandkids (they're also more comfortable in Grandma's house), but he's a sweet kid, and teaching him to hit and bite and fight back; I don't know, I feel like it's wrong.
Alex is a fantastic kid, he's just great, and innocent. I think maybe that innocence should last as long as possible. That's just what I think.
Nice guys don't finish last- they only appear to finish last because they're running a different race.
I like that Alex is a nice kid also, but when he's sad and crying because other kids are being mean to him because he doesn't stand up for himself is NOT good for him! He needs to learn that its OK for him to stand up for himself. Sometimes being the nice sweet kid all the time isn't the best for HIM!
Its also different because you dont have kids who are the ones that are being steamrolled all the time.
We aren't raising Alex to be a bully (even though he COULD be one with his size and all), we are teaching him that its OK to stand up for himself, and sometimes other kids need to see that he's not afraid to do that, so they leave him alone.
I do have a similar experience, in that I was a very nice kid, who was bigger and stronger than everyone else, and got beat up a lot, because I was taught never to fight.
It kills me when Alex is sad, and it annoyed me when Sam didn't punish Ashleigh at all for locking him in the room- especially when she was already having some behavioral problems. I wasn't as mad as you were (obviously), but I like to stick up for the nice guy.
I know this trip was frustrating, and I'm definitely not going to try and tell you how to raise your kids, I just wanted to make the argument that he's a nice generous, loving kid, and maybe that innocence is a good thing, even if it means he gets a little stepped on for the moment.
Alex is an incredible kid- he's going to be a great leader, and a compassionate man (just look at his awesome parents!), and I think that maybe understanding that doing the right thing is more important than getting your way is a good thing.
But that's just my two cents- I love you, and if you guys decide you want to do this, I'll do whatever I can to support it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!
I am going to go kick her... okay, maybe not kick her - but seriously? They HAVE to keep their door closed all of the time, to keep the cats out of there (you know why those kittens need to stay out of everywhere, ew)... so when she told me that she didn't know he was there it made sense that she closed the door -- punishing her for that would have made no sense, but if you KNEW she did it on purpose, you could have told me that!
Grrrr, I hate it when kiddos are punks... even if it's inevatable that it happens sometimes, since they are kids... good luck getting Alex to stand up for himself.
I love my papas and I see what you mean sis. Reading this post made me sad and angry!! Didn't like it at all!! I love my nephews I know they're not perfect..all I'm saying is treat others the way you wanna be treated...if not then what goes around comes around.
I wish you had shared this with us at the time that it happened . . . How scary for Alex and infuriating and upsetting for you . . . We want our home to be one that is welcoming to EVERYBODY of ALL ages . . .
I am sorry that this happened to your precious little guy at ALL, but especially that it happened at gramma's house . . . =o( Does he never want to come back here now?
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